Curry In / Curry Out

On Saturday night, I attended a very laid-back dinner at my uncle's family friends' house. Just 3 Indian couples plus my 3 younger cousins and myself. Last place I thought I'd be was face-down in front of a toilet. Here's how it went down:

I'm on my third plate of some amazing chicken curry, saag paneer, and rice, almost finished with my meal when I decide I want to add just a little more chicken curry sauce to my rice. As I reach over for the chicken curry spoon, the host uncle grabs it from me and decides he'll do the honors. So he pours one spoon, and I say, "Thanks, that's enough." He responds by pouring a 2nd, 3rd, and eventually 4th spoon of not only curry sauce but chicken too. I try to tell him that there's no way I can eat my full plate, but he just pats me on the back and nods his head. To make matters worse, he asks me if I want another beer, and I'm too much of a sucker to say no to him. So off I go, already stuffed out of my mind yet forcing more chicken curry, rice, and beer into my precious body.

Eventually, I am so full that I can barely breathe and come to my senses in telling the uncle I simply can't finish the plate. Thank the Lord he obliged by taking my plate away because apparently, as independent as I tend to think I am, I'm robotic and insecure enough that I probably would've kept eating if he had patted me on the back and nodded again. Immediately, I excuse myself to the bathroom where I am disgusted by what I see in the mirror. I look sick in the face and my belly is gigantic - when did my life get so out of control?!!

Anyways, I proceed to go number two just a little bit (sorry for details) but decide regurgitation would probably be beneficial as well. So here I am, at a family dinner party (um, also meeting people for first time in my life), sticking my finger down my throat over what is most likely a virgin toilet. After throwing up a tad bit of curry, I become paranoid about the dinner guests being able to hear me from outside. Thus, I return to the living room.

Very quickly, I realize that there is no way in hell I can continue the night in my current state. Thus, I ask the host where I can find his 6-year old son and my 11-year old cousin, both of whom I know are playing video games UPSTAIRS. After securing directions to the kids' whereabouts, I rush upstairs to say hello and sit with them for two minutes (in case anyone asks them about me visiting them later in the night). Then, I proceed to find a nearby bathroom and puke my brains out. Aww, I feel much better and no one in the party has any clue about my actions.

27 years old, crouched over a suburban Long Island toilet during an Indian family dinner party - what a life!